I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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