I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
