I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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