Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
