new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
