I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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