Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
