after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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