recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
