The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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