I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
