Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
