my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this boner is exhausting
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
