Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
