First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
