"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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