there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
