Soap is not a condiment
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
