Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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