So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
