I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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