he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
