used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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