just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
