your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
