you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
