I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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