I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
