you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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