Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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