I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
