During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
