I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
