oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
