Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
