you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
