Someone shit on the floor
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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