How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
