i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
