Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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