Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
