There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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