I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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