Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
