She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
