So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize