she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
