dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
