Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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