My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
