you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
