I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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