with your own penis?
wanna go halves on a baby?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
