She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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