he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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