After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
