According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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