just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
