I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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