sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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