new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
