is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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