You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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