Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
