I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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