i wish starbucks made bloody marys
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
