I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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