I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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