I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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