so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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