He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
