I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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