You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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