he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
