I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
