Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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