how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
