Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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