Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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